NoodleGirl's Choice

We had a nice weekend, beautiful weather up here in New England. I love these warm, waning-summer September days. On Saturday we went to a neighborhood block party and then to a benefit for a friend who got into a motorcyle accident without medical insurance.

The block party was predictably torturous for me, little tykes running around having fun, NoodleGuy and I trying to make conversation with perfectly nice people who talk about their kids 80% of the time. Luckily no one point blank asked me when we'd be having kids, but since they've been asking us that for the two years since we moved here, I think we may have officially entered the pity don't-ask-them-anymore phase, which is a relief. The benefit was fun, hopefully they earned a good chunk of change for our friend -- he needed to be Medi.vac'ed to the hospital and that alone cost $25k. Ouch. He's doing extremely well considering -- he had a broken pelvis, but was up and around at the party, quite remarkable as the accident was only 6 weeks ago.

Then on Sunday we went out for dim sum, which we love love love. There's a great spot about half an hour away from us, which we try to get to at least once a month. Plus, the closest Tra.der J.oe's is right near the restaurant, so we get to kill two birds with one stone. Then the rest of the day yesterday we just chilled out, watched the movie "The B.ank J.ob" (we're both big Ja.son Sta.tham fans) and went for a bike ride. A nice, normal weekend before the chillier weather sets in.

This morning, I spoke with a nurse at the surgery center handling my excisional breast biopsy on Thursday. We did the pre-interview, designed to speed through check in. Though Lord knows why we're trying to speed through since I have a 5 hour wait between the prep-procedure and the surgery itself, but whatevs. When we got to the question about "Any previous surgeries?", I had to say "OK, this is quite a list, are a ready?". Since they consider any procedure using anesthesia as a "surgery", here's my list:

1. January 2008 - Voluntary foot surgery
2. February 2008 - Laprascopy (found Stage IV endo, a 5cm cyst on each ovary, lesions "all over the place")
3. December 2008 - D&E (m/c #1)
4. February 2009 - Hysteroscopy (10 polyps and an adhesion, caused by the D&E? Who knows?)
5. June 2009 - egg retrieval (one freaking egg, but she was a good one! Became a HIP 8-cell, grade 1 embie, but no dice)
6. September 2009 - D&E (m/c #2)
7. September 2009 - Excisional breast biopsy to remove atypical cells. Which I'm convinced were caused by 5 straight months of fertility meds.

Seven surgeries?? This has NOT been a great year and a half. Bah. And to think that I used to be terrified of surgery, thinking I was one of those people who would look asleep and sedated but actually be awake behind my closed eyelids and feeling every slice. Now surgery is a walk in the park, sadly. I'm like a little kid who will do anything for a treat because NoodleGuy always takes me out for some horrible-for-me, guilty pleasure food after a surgery. Taco Bell, here I come!

I cannot wait for Thursday's surgery to be over. Besides the fact that checking in and spending all day in a hospital only a week and a half after this latest D&E is kind of brutal, the surgery isn't until 3:45. And I can't eat past midnight the night before. Doesn't it seem like they shouldn't schedule surgeries so late in the day? It's mean. But obviously the hunger part is minimal. What I'm really nervous about what these cells are and how it'll impact my life and my continued fertility treatment. I'll find out in about a week after the surgery what the results are -- even if they're confident they removed all the cells and that it's just something to be watched but not a major concern, I'm still very nervous about continuing to pump hormones into my body. It's yet another pro in favor of donor eggs (see previous post for more pros). But I'm trying to take this one step at a time. Surgery first, then I'll obsess about the results phone call. After that I'll start obsessing about the STBY appts with both the breast surgeon and RE to grill them for their opinion on whether fertility meds will continue to be a safe option for me.

There were so many reasons we were grateful for the natural miracle of Peanut, not the least of which was that I'd be able to leave ART behind. I know every IF lady yearns for the day to never have to jump up on that u/s table again, or try to track down their nurses for results or have to schedule a vacation around TTC. But for me, it also would have meant I could have stopped taking these stims that may or may not be causing health problems for me. Now I'm back with my own version of Sophie's Choice -- do I stop trying to conceive a biological child or do I take a chance on my own health? Both choices kind of suck.