Thoughts on DE

So, this is weird. Yesterday I was browsing books at the library to take with me to next week's boob's surgery and this thought popped into my head "I think I'm OK with donor eggs."

Huh? Where in the world did that come from? I wasn't thinking at all about babies, aside from the part of my brain that is 100% reserved for constant fertility vigilance. I had actually been feeling alot better yesterday, the best I've felt since the m/c. I don't think it's a leap to assume that my progesterone had dropped off a cliff in the few days after the D&E and that, plus obvious grief, had me as a pretty big mess. But yesterday I actually felt like getting up and leaving the house, buying some nice mums for the front stoop and "shopping" at the library. So why did that thought come out of nowhere?

I'm guessing it was precisely because I was feeling a bit better, that a subconscious part of me is ready to think about next steps. As I've mentioned before I have alot to weigh in the coming month regarding IF. We need to tissue analysis back on this latest loss, though I'd be willing to bet the farm that it's again chromosomal issues -- I'm sure of it. So there's the question of whether it's even worth proceeding with my eggs. Then, the great boob issue, what these cells removed will be and whether I'll be willing to continue pouring hormones into my body if they are potentially making me sick.

I told NoodleGuy about the donor egg thought and we had a great conversation. We actually both got very excited about the prospect of DE, instead of viewing it as a failure of everything else. The heavy pros are: hello, it might actually work! The chromosomal issues that have likely been leading to these devastating losses would have a much smaller chance of occurring with a nubile 21-year-old's eggs. Another big one is that we might actually be able to have multiple children. With my own eggs, I'm lucky if I can muster a single follie, even on IVF. If it ever did work, it would be a miracle and very, very likely never to occur again. With my own eggs, we're almost sure to have an only child. With DE, we could have a good chance of totsicles for an FET down the road, or even multiples the first time. Finally, with DE, I would not have to pump much in the way of hormones into myself and that could be critical if my boob issues are related to ART.

There are obvious drawbacks, the major two being my dealing with not having a biological child and then the cost. But I'm trying to ride the positive train for a few days.

This is something to seriously think about.

p.s. NoodleGuy also brought me flowers yesterday because he's such a sweetie. He timed it perfectly, that minx. I was feeling upbeat enough yesterday to actually appreciate them, whereas I would have probably ignored them in the days prior. That guy has a pretty good handle on me, I think. Hooray NGuy!