Welcome ICLWers!

Being new to this ICWL thing, I didn't realize the etiquette was to do a little synopsis of your blog, silly me! I'm enjoying it very much, finding new blogs and so many women who have experiences similar to mine or are just darned good writers.

So, here's my IF story (apologies to anyone who has already read this stuff, ad nauseum):
I started this blog about 10 months ago now, under a different name originally. I had to change the address because I had let a few RL (real life) people know about the first blog and it started getting more and more personal with more and more gory IF details. My RL friends were great and supportive but some of it I just didn't feel like sharing with non-infertiles. It led me to stop posting but I missed it so much that I moved it to a new location. And here I am!

We started trying in January 2007 and started working with an RE in Fall of 2007. A routine ultrasound before an IUI in December 2007 showed a 5cm cyst on each ovary, the RE suspected endometriosis, though I had no symptoms. A laprascopy in February 2008 proved him right, showing severe stage IV endo, totally asymptomatic. My ovaries had been pinned together ("kissing") behind my uterus, there was no way I'd get pregnant with my innards all out of whack. Though I had high-ish FSH (11) we still had high hopes that the lap would lead to the way to a natural BFP. No dice.

By summer 2008, we were ready to get the ball rolling on medicated cycles. We were going to do a "useless" (according to my now-former RE) cycle of Clomid/IUI before diving into IVF. Lo and behold, BFP from that cycle, September 2008. The pregnancy progressed very slowly, low betas, slow development and growth stopped at 6w5d. D&E in December on 2008. A tissue analysis showed chromosomal issues, a balanced translocation on chromosome 18. DH and I were karyotyped and both showed normal chromosomes, no issues that should have caused this issue.

A routine saline sonogram in January 2009 to confirm I was good to go with my new RE showed several "uterine anomalies". I went in for a hysteroscopy in February 2009 and the RE cleaned out 10 polyps and an adhesion. The adhesion was likely left over from the D&E and the polyps may have been there all along, as the D&E is a blind procedure.

Finally, with a cleared out uterus and an awesome new RE, we agreed to do 2-3 cycles of Injectables/IUI while allowing the IVF insurance to clear. March/April/May - Injectables/IUIs, all BFN. All never got more than one follie, despite high doses of FSH.

May 2009, started estrogen priming for my IVF in June. Stimmed for 15 days, very high FSH + LH + Gani.relix for 15 (FIFTEEN!!!) days and got one freaking follie. Any other doctor on the face of the earth would have cancelled the IVF, but my RE let me make the call. We have excellent insurance which covers 6 IVF attempts per live birth and I knew the one follie was not a fluke for me, so we decided to go for it. Lo and behold that one little egg was a trooper! She made it through retrieval, through fertilization and to day 3 as a perfect 8-cell, grade 1 HIP embryo. We had some hope, but BFN.

We decided to take the summer off, we had some vacations planned + I had been on stims for 4 straight months at that point. I was going to detox and enjoy the summer and plan for IVF#2 in September (this month). In July we took a vacation to Cape Cod, drank beer, ate oysters, went mountain biking. When we got home, I was 100% aware that AF was late, though I was remarkably cool about it. I took a HPT and holy crap, it was positive! I stormed my clinic and demanded a beta on the spot. They tried to turn me away, but ha! They don't know us infertiles! I finally got it and they called me later that day: 299!!! Five days later at beta #2, it was 2,087!!! SO much better than the last pregnancy.

Oh, but on the same day that I got the first positive beta, my PCP also called me to tell me that a routine biopsy I had done while on my summer "break" showed atypical cells in my breast and I'd need to see a breast surgeon to discuss further treatment. Only I could get the happiest news and the scariest news of my life, all within a few hours of each other. But on with the infertility story...

And then I started spotting. It was about week 4.5 and it was bright red with little flecks of solid mass. I tried to be cool about it until my 6-week ultrasound, but had a breakdown the day before my ultrasound where my nurse talked me off the wall, but I was 100% convinced that there would be no heartbeat at the ultrasound. And I was wrong! The heart was beating at an awesome 119bpm and the growth was even ahead of schedule, yippee! I continued spotting through week 7.5, including one time I passed a dime-sized clot. VERY scary. But I tried to be cool and went into my 8-week ultrasound nervous, but not a total wreck. And the 8-week ultrasound was PERFECT. Heart rate was 159bpm and growth was right on target. The RE gave me an A+ and released me to the OBGYN. I was finally, FINALLY feeling secure and optimistic about this pregnancy.

I went in to my 10-week OBGYN appt feeling great. The doctor couldn't get the heartbeat on the Doppler, but we thought, no big deal. I ate chili for dinner the night before and my innards were rumbling, so we figured the background noise was hiding the heartbeat. She sent me off for an ultrasound which shockingly showed no heartbeat despite the fact that everything had been gangbusters up until then. It's only in the past few days that I have somewhat emerged from depression over this, at least to this point that I can interact with human beings and surf the interwebs. We had a D&E on 9/11 and are currently awaiting the tissue analysis. I have an appointment tomorrow with my OBGYN to go over the results.

As for the breast issue, I am scheduled for an excisional breast biopsy on Thursday to remove the area and have it analyzed. It was originally scheduled for my 2nd trimester, but as soon as I lost the baby, I just wanted this over with asap. Depending on the results of both tests (the m/c tissue and the breast tissue), we'll have to decide how we proceed from here.

So, that's me, in a nutshell. Amongst all this craziness, DH and I try to maintain a fairly happy, normal life. The most important thing to us is not to make our entire lives about TTC. It's easier said than done, as you all know. We're trying to schedule a long weekend trip this fall, maybe to Dublin or Amsterdam. We find that travel is a good distraction from all of this and we want to be able to look back on these years and have some fond memories, not just see them as an IF wasteland. Which sounds too negative, I know -- DH is the sweetest guy, and we're very happy. But I'm afraid in our annals that we'll remember 2007, 2008, 2009 and 2010 only for the IF stuff and we're determined not to let that happen.