RE appt

I had my STBY appt with Dr. B on Friday and it was a good one. I had actually phoned his nurse the day before to make sure they knew why I was coming in - can you imagine if I got there, having the last they saw of me being a happy 8-week pregnant patient being released to the OBGYN, and I had to explain what happened? No, thanks. So, I left a message, feeling kind of dorky explaining it on the voicemail, but it was good that I did. She called me right back, which is kind of unheard of at my clinic, and was so sweet. I happened to be in the supermarket, so had to have the conversation while standing in the produce aisle, appropriately enough (since I can't seem to RE-produce, get it? Ba dum bum). This nurse and I have a bit of a bond (at least in my mind) because when I was going through the boob scare, it was early in my pregnancy and I was trying to time the surgery for the safest time for the baby. She kindly shared with me that she had gone through the same thing a few years earlier and she knew how scary it was, but everything turned out fine. I appreciated hearing this anecdote and know that it's rare to get a personal glimpse like that into your healthcare worker's lives, so I have a particular fondness for this nurse. Anyhow, she was very sympathetic and sweet and said she'd pass on the info and advised me to have all my records faxed over from the OBGYN to Dr. B, which was a good call.

When I went in on Friday, I got the special post-mc treatment where everyone was a little more soft spoken with me, had me wait in a separate room so I didn't need to see the pg patients, etc. Very thoughtful. When Dr. B was ready for me, it took everything for me not to start crying on the spot. He was so very kind and genuinely sad for us. We sadly said that we thought maybe we'd never see each other again and were happy about it. He was impressed that I was able to be there so soon, but not in a judgmental it's-too-soon way, more in a "you're a strong cookie" way. I've thought about this alot over the weekend, about whether it's too soon to dive back in. And I've come to the conclusion that I'm not going to judge myself, either. You're ready when you're ready. With my last m/c, which was alot less traumatic since the pregnancy was iffy all along (low betas, u/s growth lagged behind), I took 4 months off afterwards. This time I'm ready after 5 weeks, go figure. I think it's mostly that I am so ready to put this chapter of my life behind me, whether successful or not; I just want it to be over.

In the geez-what-else-can-go-wrong category, Dr. B was irate on our behalf that the karyotype of Peanut was inconclusive. He said the mosaicism didn't indicate much of anything - as some of you smart commenters pointed out at my last post, that FISH isn't the greatest analytical tool. He said without good tissue, non-necrotized, they're guessing. He said that after he performs a D&E, he spends alot of time combing through the tissue, trying to find the best sample to send to the lab and that he's never had an inconclusive result, even with 6-week sample. He said with a 10-week sample, which is much larger, obviously, he's never even heard of not getting a good sample for a conclusive result. So, yay me, setting records everywhere I go.

Dr. B thinks there's still reason to believe that I could get a better response with my own eggs and that a few more IVFs are worthwhile, especially since we're fully covered by insurance (yay, Taxachusetts). I'm dubious both about the response and about whether I could produce any chromosomally normal eggs, but I trust him + I feel like I could go into donor eggs in the spring with a better mindset if I truly gave my all to a few last rounds of my own egg IVFs beforehand. He did, however, talk me out of PGD :(. Again, like the smart commenters, he doesn't believe that PGD is the cure-all for chromosomal issues, especially for a poor responder like me. His bottom line is that he wants to get me a healthy pregnancy, and feels like PGD actually jeopardizes that. Yes, we might be able to rule out chromosomal issues. But there's also a 10% chance of a false positive and with someone who will have a few embryos to choose from as me, he doesn't want to risk rejecting a perfectly healthy embryo. He definitely understood my desire not to go through another doomed pregnancy but made a persuasive argument for what is our ultimate goal of a sticky pregnancy. So, no PGD, which is disappointing to a Type A personality like me, but I'll roll with it.

He was ready to slap an estrogen patch on me on the spot and get going in our next cycle, heh. I actually had to put the brakes on a little because I want to get a saline sonogram before starting up to make sure my uterus looks good. It should be fine and clear after a D&E, but last time we thought the same thing and had a routine SS and there were 10 polyps and I needed a hysteroscopy (yes, I'm a disaster). I just want to make sure everything is good in there before starting - the last thing I need is a great looking embie that can't implant due to uterine issues.

We also discussed donor eggs, and while one of the things I like about Dr. B is that he is a very positive thinker and only likes to focus on the cycle at hand, instead of saying "We'll do 3 IVFs and then ship you off to the glue factory", I did tell him our plan of six more months of trying with my own eggs, then a boob check to make sure I didn't screw anything more up, and then DE. He thought it sounded like a good plan, but still insisted he thought we could have a successful IVF (God love ya, Dr. B). However, at my request, he did set up an informational session for us with the coordinator of DEs at our clinic. It's in their main office, so I'll set up a meeting with the woman next time I'm in that neck of the woods. I'd like to get some questions answered and get a feel for what my insurance will cover so that we're armed with that knowledge before the spring and not lose some months if we get to that point.

We did bloodwork on Friday, which showed my HCG is still positive at 18.5. We'll do it again later this week and once it's negative (<5), we can schedule the SS. I hope it works out because I've just finished up with my first post-m/c AF and need to get it in within the next 10 days or so, while my lining is still thin. Ah, the lovely stress of TTC timing, how I haven't missed you.

So, I'm afraid of the meds because of my boob issues and afraid of my own eggs, but here we go again...