Yessir, that's my baby...

Ultrasound #2 today was a bittersweet affair. Definitely more sweet than bitter since it was pretty much what I was expecting, but still a little sad.

The happy news is that John looks fantastic. I'm exactly 7 weeks and he's measuring 7w1d with a heartrate of 136bpm. I was nervous about him because last week the nurse had casually mentioned that "they'd like to see the heartrate improve at the next check." Which may have just been an "of course" type statement and my RE didn't mention anything about it, but of course I've obsessed about it over the past week. All for naught because everything looks perfect there for now.

Sadly, though, it looks like little Paulie will not make it. He's a trooper and actually had a h/b this week, but it was incredibly slow for this point (75bpm) and he's measuring 6 days behind his brother. The physician's assistant (my RE is at a conference this week) was very nice, but said it would be a 95% chance that we wouldn't see a h/b at next week's u/s and I'm sure she's right, it's just way too slow of a h/b for this point. She did say that the 5% exists because once in a blue moon, one will make it, but I'm not counting on it. If there is no h/b next week, she said that my body will just resorb the sac & contents and shouldn't affect the other sac at all. "Vanishing Twin Syndrome" it's called, though it's neither a syndrome nor vanishing, so, go figure.

Here's a scan with little Paulie on top, John on the bottom. You can see that Paul is small and lacks the arm buds that John has, clearly behind in development :(

It's a strange feeling to be elated for one bean but sad for the other. When IF became such a screamingly obvious fact for me, all I really ever dared hoped for was one healthy baby and I'll be thrilled if I ultimately get that. But you can't help but grieve this other little life inside of you, whose heart will, mostly likely, stop beating sometime in the next week and I won't even know it at the time. So, the next week will be dedicated to happy thoughts for Paulie and trying very hard not to allow too much obsessive thoughts of worrying about John.

So with a little regret toward marking it off in spite of Paulie, the pending-cartwheel list is now halfway checked:

1. Beta #1 (12/29 - 13dpo): 242 - check!
2. Beta #2 (1/2 - 17dpo): 1,206 - check!
3. Beta #3 (1/7 - 22dpo): 8,848 - check!
4. Ultrasound #1 (1/13): 6 weeks - check!
5. Ultrasound #2 (1/20) - 7 weeks - check!
6. Ultrasound #3 (1/29) - 8w2d
7. Ultrasound #4 (2/4) - 9 weeks
8. Ultrasound #5 (2/8) - 9w4d
9. First appt with OBGYN (2/11) - 10 weeks
10. CVS test (2/17)

I spent way more time than I should have today rejiggering doctor's appointments. I found out that my insurance won't cover any RE appointments after my first OB visit, so I had to move back the OB visit and try to squeeze in that final 10th week RE ultrasound at least two days beforehand, to give them time to fax over my records to the OB. It took several phone calls to both offices and the bummer fact that my final RE u/s will not be with my beloved RE, but rather the physician's assistant. There was nothing I could do about it, I had to try to get this all coordinated to take place before the CVS on February 17th. But it finally all did get worked out. Phew!

I also need to call my endocrinologist tomorrow -- not reproductive endo, but my regular thyroid doctor. I have Graves disease, an autoimmune disorder where my immune cells attack my thryoid and I manage it with synthetic thyroid hormone. However, my RE's office checked my TSH (thryoid stimulating hormone) today and it was slightly elevated, so they want me to call my endo and see if she wants to adjust my prescription. I swear, my insurance company must hate my guts. I spent over 10 years in my twenties, paying health care premiums and never once seeing any sort of doctor, but in the past 2 years, I'm practically living at one doctor or another's. Oh well, it's my revenge for my home state trying to kill universal healthcare with yesterday's election. Take that, evil insurance conglomerate!