Just when you think you're OK...

I was on a work conference call earlier today and we were talking about a big release we have coming in April. A few folks piped in about how that'll be here before you know it -- the holidays always zoom by and then it's January and we'll need to ramp up for the release for a few months. It made me really sad to think that it's true - April will be here before you know it, and so will Peanut's due date of 4/8/2010. It's hard to think that he'd be born by the time this silly release, where everyone will get their panties in a bunch for stupid reasons, is completed.

Please, Lordy, let me be pregnant by April. I don't have a ton of hope because I don't think my-own-egg IVFs are going to work for me and we won't start donor egg until about April or May. But it would be really, really nice to be pregnant by Peanut's birthday anniversary.

I've been having a hard time letting go of the fact that this is a totally missed cycle with my stupid HCG. As I said yesterday, it screws up all my planning. I even forgot that my younger sister wants to visit in early December to see Boston in all its pretty, Christmas-y glory. We both love Christmas, plus now she lives in the South where you miss the snowy nostalgia, and we were really looking forward to it.

She doesn't have much flexibility in weeks to visit because she's in college and is taking a winter semester class. It had been a great plan before, but now it puts her smack dab in the week that would likely be ER and ET. Besides the fact that I wouldn't want her visit bogged down with my doctor's visits, I haven't even told anyone in my family about all of this. UGH. I'm going to need to put her off for a while - she has a credit on South.west that she needs to use by 12/31 - until I have more of an idea of good/bad weeks, I'll try to buy some time. I know whatever I do, the timing will backfire, but I'm gonna try to map it out.

I'm trying to force myself not to get too depressed down in the delay. The only two times I've been pregnant have been unmedicated*, so I figure I have as good a shot this month as any, though my hormones are probably still too out of whack to accomplish much. But you never know, I'll be obsessively analyzing my BBT charts next week as I should enter the O-zone.

In happier news, my big goal for the weekend is to go out for Indian food. I love, love, love Indian food - my best friend in college was Indian and her mom was an awesome cook and got me totally hooked. To this day I still salivate at the idea of these pickled mangoes she use to send up to us and we'd eat on toasted english muffins with cream cheese. There aren't any Indian restaurants in my boring corner of suburban Boston, so we go down to Providence for any ethnic cravings outside of Chinese and Italian. We found a place that we love near Brown University and we're going tomorrow night. It's going to be a rainy weekend, so lots of nesting and cooking. If I come across any interesting recipes, I'll be sure to share them.

A little aside here, if anyone likes Palak Paneer (also called Shag Paneer), Tra.der Joe's has an awesome version of it. Palak Paneer is a spinach curry dish with cottage cheese cubes, it might sounds a little gross, but it's delicious. If you have it with warm naan, it's awesome. We tried the TJ's version (have had middling success with TJ's pre-made ethnic dishes) and it's one of our favorites. It comes in a pouch that you just microwave and boom! In 5 minutes you have a great side-dish or even dinner. We also get the frozen naan at TJ's - very good also.

Also, NoodleGuy and I have been bumming lately because we LOVE to travel and never do so due to TTC timing (can I get an "Amen?"). We decided we're sick of our sad-sack selves and this weekend we are going to map out potential long-weekend, spontaneous trips. So we can still work around TTC, but will hop in the car or on a plane of those 1-2 weekends that pop up as free. It's a good plan, let's see if we can stick to it!

* Note that the first pregnancy I did take Clomid but my RE insists it had no effect on me. Since it works by naturally raising your FSH and my FSH is already high, he says I definitely would have gotten pregnant that cycle without it also. So, I like to consider it a "natural" pregnancy. Humor me!

Crap.Stupid HCG.

I just heard back from my nurse that my HCG is still positive, at 9.4. It's dropping too slowly for me to be able to squeeze in a sonogram during the window of this cycle, which would have needed to be in the next week. So we're just going to test it again in two weeks, and at that point schedule the sonogram for early November or so.

Instead of IVF in November, it looks like I'll be in December. Of course now I'm going to have scheduling problems near Christmas, when I'm trying to go visit my family in Texas. Even if the timing works out OK and I can do it before I would leave, I'd need to fly during the 2WW. Fuckity fuck fuck. Can't a brother catch a break?