Happy belated Turkey Day, ladies and germs! It's been a while since I posted, been running around for the holidays, super busy at work (Black Friday/Cyber Monday) and just unmotivated. I'm feeling kind of bummed out lately -- not in a sad way, like after the miscarriages, just in a going-through-the-motions kind of way.
In fertility news, after my IVF#2 was cancelled on November 18th and you all were so kind as to send along some hope for those three renegade follies that ovulated on their own, I figured it'd still be a BFN and I'd get AF sometimes around December 1st. Well, it was a BFN, but AF showed up on November 25th, the day before Thanksgiving, making it only a 9-day LP. I'm not terribly surprised since the whole cycle was accelerated, but still yet another BFN and a short LP about which to worry. Blah.
So, I'm stimming already, started on Friday. Doing 150 Gonal-f/450 Menopur again, which worked well last cycle, except for that whole renegade-O thing. My RE did add in Ganirelix on only Day 3 of stims -- normally he doesn't add in until your E2 gets to 500, but that's kind of like a pipedream to me anyway and we want to prevent premature ovulating again. This morning was my first u/s and b/w. I stupidly had gotten my hopes up that we'd see 3 good follies again, but there was only one 12mm and "some small ones". My clinic drives me a little nuts in that they won't measure smaller than 12mm. So, I have no idea if there are 5 ones in there at 11mm or 700 ones at 4mm. I understand their rationale, follies smaller than 12mm or so are unpredictable and they don't want to get my hopes up. Realistically, I know I'll be lucky to get 3-4 total and I know it's early to start losing hope, it's only been 4 days of stims. I predict I'll go in again on Friday and that's where we'll be able to tell better if this cycle has any hope. I have enough meds to get me through Friday, so we can do one more peek before deciding to commit to the cycle. It is a relief to know that I can bail and wait to cycle again in January if it's not looking promising. I just get tired of always hoping and hoping for my body to do something on the fertility front and always being disappointed. Even last cycle's 3 follies were just a big set up for a fall. Blah.
Don't you guys get tired of always blogging about IF crap? I feel like a broken record, I'm boring even myself. And to top it off, a good friend of mine - the only RL friend who knew about this 2nd pregnancy and loss - IMed me as soon as I signed on this morning to tell me that she thinks she's gotten over the mental hurdle of having a 2nd child and thinks she is ready to start trying. This is the friend who got pregnant on month #1 of trying 3 years ago, so I'm sure she'll be pregnant by Valentine's Day at the latest. Now, she's been a great friend during this whole thing, very caring, even drove up here 4 hours away to spend a weekend with me after the m/c. And she's constantly checking in on how I'm doing, what I'm thinking, etc. I haven't told her about these latest IVF attempts because I don't really feel like going into details with anyone except DH and my online friends, but, really, don't you think you might not expect your infertile friend to congratulate you on your big decision to have your second child while she is 3 years in to trying for her first? Blah.
Can someone tell me any stories about small follies after 4 days of stims and more promising things after maybe 7 days of stims? I need a pep talk.
Yeah, that seems like a bit much...
ReplyDeleteI hope you follies wake up and salute!
Good luck!! Hoping for a good follie response this cycle!!
ReplyDelete*hugs* I'm glad you posted, I missed you and was hoping everything was ok. I'm sorry about the BFN and because your follies aren't behaving. I can't give you advice on inectables, but look at my current cycle. I thought I was going to have to cancel it many times, but I finally made it and got to try. Don't give up yet. Us turtles just take a long time to get going.
ReplyDeleteThat's annoying that they don't measure anything below 12, especially on day 4! I had a BEAUTIFUL IVF cycle just barely and at my first follie scan on day 5 of stims my biggest follies were measuring... well they told me "about 8-12 mm", but when I got my actual medical records the sizes were (11.5, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 8, 8, 8, 8, 7, 7, 7 and 10, 10, 10, 10, 9, 9, 9, 8, 8, 7).
ReplyDeleteThen by trigger day I had almost twice as many follies measuring (7 follies ≤ 8.5mm, 11, 15, 15, 15.5, 16.5, 16.5, 17.5, 17.5, 18.5, 18.5. 19, 21.5, 21.5 AND 12 follies ≤ 9mm,12.5, 14.5, 15.5, 16, 17.5, 18, 18.5, 19, 19, 21).
So*** according to your clinic I would have had NO measurable follies on stim day FIVE, and this recent IVF #3 for me was my most awesome ever. SO...your follies could still show up to play! I hope my stats are encouraging for you. I had a bunch (thank you PCOS), but the sizes started out "small". My fingers are crossed for you!!
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ReplyDeleteDon't have any follie advice for you, but I'm glad you are able to get the ball rolling on this cycle. Yay for finally NOT having to wait on this cycle. I feel like the bulk of IF is WAITING for one thing or another.
ReplyDeleteI'd be a little let down by your friend's comment too. It's been my experience that most people, even if they do empathize with you when it comes to IF, don't really understand why you can't share in their joy with them. They don't seem to get that it isn't as switch we can turn on and off. This is why I'm struggling with my neighbors right now. Seeing their success (in spite of being over 40, overweight and a smoker) makes my pain more acute.
Good luck Friday! I hope more follies come out of hiding.
Oh my, you are in that hard place. I once did back to back cycles and I found the experience to be exhausting. You are a tough lady to even try. Sorry that you did not get a surprise positive from well-times baby-dancing.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that this cycle is not off to the roaring start you hoped for. But I am wondering if slow growth will be better and less likely to make you ovulate early? Maybe and maybe you will get a few more follies with a few more days of stims.
As for your fertile friend, yikes! It is hard to watch people around us get pregnant so easily when we have all tried so hard.
((hugs))
I think more follicles will pop up. I never had much on day 4 of stims and wound up with 26 eggs my last go around. Of course, who the heck needs that many anyway? Quality over quantity any day.
ReplyDeleteSorry about your friend. I'm dealing with one of those right now myself.
I think day 4 is kinda early - by day 7 it should be much clearer what's going on. That said, I have had more eggs retrieved than were seen on u/s, so who knows?
ReplyDeleteLots of big, thriving wishes for your follicles!
On day six they only found 3 follicles of decent size in my right ovary (they couldn't find the left one at all). Day nine I had 6 good size ones on the right side and 2 on the left. So I ended up with 8 mature eggs in time for retrieval!
ReplyDeleteSending lots of "grow, follies, grow" thoughts your way :-)
Ok, so I don't have any follie stories for you, but I can send you a squeezy hug. I don't understand why the fertiles of the world think it's a good idea to tell the infertiles of their baby making plans. She must know how much it hurts you. Pretty insensitive.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you get to jump right back in, as hard as that is sometimes. If you decide to end this cycle, will that count against your insurance allotment? I hope not, and by the sounds of your post, it won't...I'm just curious.
Best of luck to you Friday and I'm hoping you get some surprise follies in there that grow enough to be measured.
I wish I had something helpful to say here, but I am just sending you all the good vibes I can for this cycle! I hope your follies get going and give you some surprises on Friday :).
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure why your friend (who knows about your struggles to have even one baby) thinks that you'd care that she's been wrestling with her tough choice of whether to pop another kid out or not? I get that that's a topic for girlfriends, but you'd think she'd have a clue.