R.I.P. Peanut

Peanut died on Labor Day. At my first OBGYN appt, first one ever in my life as an OB visit, the OB couldn't hear the h/b but we were giggling over the fact that I had chili for dinner last night and the noises in my bowel were making it impossible to hear over. So she sent me for an u/s, which is in a different building, across a busy road. A brusk male doctor did the u/s and told me very matter of fact that there was no h/b. He sent me back across the street to the OB, so I got to cry my way across Route 9 and walk into a room of giant fat pregnant ladies wondering why I was blubbering. The OB took me in right away and was very kind and told me that the growth showed 9w4d, so it looks like Peanut died on Labor Day, how's that for painful irony? And I got my IVF BFN on Mother's Day. I swear someone "up there" hates me. D&E scheduled for Friday.

I'll talk more in coming days about how I think I might be done with TTC. If a miracle happens naturally - which is what we thought this one was (suckers) - then yippee, but I don't think I can do stims anymore and my body responds badly to them anyway. For now I just want to crawl under a rock for a few days. I guess at least until NoodleGuy has to drag me to the D&E.