Today is the excisional breast biopsy. I'm tired. I'm tired of crappy things happening to me. I'm tired of being a good sport. I'm tired of getting up and dragging myself to procedure after procedure, big and small, to which I have zero desire to go. I'm tired of pretending like the odds of my having a baby are not the total crap that they are. I'm tired of having to pick myself and move on only 2 weeks after losing Peanut for yet another, different surgery and pretending that I'm more OK with it than I am.
I'm usually pretty good at putting up a good front but today I'm just too mentally and physically tired to do it. I know I'll rally - I'm way too nerdy and polite not to be friendly to the nurses at the hospital. But for now up until I arrive at the surgery center at ten, I'm letting myself be a giant grump.
I think that you deserve to be grumpy for a little while. You've experienced a trauma of extreme magnitude and it's going to take some time to mentally recover. And then you have to pile on this boobie business and it must feel like you can't catch a damn break.
ReplyDeleteThis just blows Noodlegirl. There are no two ways about it. You always seem to portray such a brave and strong facade, it's totally okay to sulk about your crap lot right now.
And you know what, you don't have to be cheery today. The nurses will understand. If you feel better by sitting in the pre-op room with your IPod listening to some relaxing music or meditation tapes, then so be it!
Again, I'm thinking about you today and sending lots and lots of love.
Thinking about you today. You're allowed to be a grump all you want :-)
ReplyDeleteYou deserve to be as much of a grump as you want to be. No one should have to go through so much...either IF or this breast stuff. It's not fair and it's not right. That being said, I'm sending you lots of relaxation vibes and I hope that today goes as well as it can. I'm thinking of you, my dear.
ReplyDeleteIt sucks that you have to be there for so long today. It's after 11 now, so hopefully you're in the middle of relaxing with your IPod like ifcrossroads suggested.
ReplyDeleteI hope it goes well - I will be thinking about you today.
It sounds like you are wholly entitled to be tired and cranky. Let it out, I say! That stuff can't stay bottled up forever.
ReplyDeleteI hope the procedure goes well without any complications and that you're now home resting comfortably. Honey, you just be as big a grouch as you want. You've earned the right. And no apologies necessary.
ReplyDeleteI hope the procedure went well - how are you feeling? And I agree with the others, you are entitled to be grumpy! (Although I also am a big fan of your generally positive energy :-)
ReplyDeleteYou've got so much on your plate, more than some people have to process and get through in months and years and decades of their lives. I think you're doing a wonderful job, but please don't feel like you have to put on a front (unless that helps you get through the day!), just take care of yourself. Sending you good thoughts!
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